Do the words, "pissed off" mean anything? I've had it with this week! I've missed or botched two very important days, I can't pass a day without almost COLLAPSING WHERE I STAND, Thursday I thought I was going to die I felt so beat up, and now I can't sleep, regardless of what I do to myself to get me to sleep!  God, I'm tired of asking You to help, cause I don't have the strength to hold on, nor the willpower I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of feeling so weak that I can't even swim how I used to. It feels as if I'm becoming an old man before I'm even TWENTY! C'mon, God, give me a break, I'm tired of trying to pass these stupid tests. Yes, I know I'm weak, I know have so little faith! I know that! Thanks for the info on small and insignificant I am. I can't even control my own body, nevermind my mind. Speaking of which, it won't rest. It's too active, I guess. this means I'll stay up all night since I CAN'T REST!

I'm tired of second guessing myself, and for feeling like there's nothing to put myself into. Everything right now feels so EMPTY, so hollow. I'm drained, God. I've had enough. How am I supposed to resist Satan when you drain my body, which drains my mind, which drains my soul? How can I turn to You in the noise of my mind and pierce it when I don't have the strength to?? Oh, as I remember AFTER the fact, YOU had that strength, and I panicked. MOre weakness that HAS to go. I realize that to change is to be human, but maybe I'm tired of being human! Maybe I've had enough of this curse of free will that most find a blessing! I really have had it.

All of a sudden I remember why I asked God to just kill me when I found out I had this thing again. Cause it would attack my mind as well.  Nothing is safe from this damn thing at all. Don't worry, guys, I'm not backsliding or anything, but SERIOUSLY. This is stupid God!

Well, thank you for the lesson tonight, I suppose. It feels odd, but You only do well by me.

I'm tired, God. Knock me out.